Why are you doing it that way?
Updated: Jun 9
The judgements. And opinions.
"Why am I doing it this way?" BECAUSE IT'S OUR WEDDING. MINE. HIS.
NOT YOURS. Pipe down Sharon.
I mentioned way back when we got engaged (here) that I struggled with the feeling of being judged. A wedding planner, planning her own wedding, and the overwhelming desire to please everyone because I felt that I 'should'. We're now a couple of months away from the big day, and I'm still feeling those same feels. Fortunately it doesn't bother me, almost half as much as it did. My Mr B is very grounding, and brings me back down to earth if I start spiraling into a panic. But, the one thing I've noticed is the amount of opinions that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has. And I don't understand. I've also been warned that it doesn't stop. Once we're married the questions of when we're going to start a family will start. And if we're blessed with a child, it'll be 'when are you having another one' or there'll be opinions on our parenting style. Or if we decide not to, or can't have a child, it'll be the questions of 'why'.
I don't know about you, but I was NOT prepared for that when we got engaged and started planning our wedding. I'm used to people's opinions, I'm also a person that likes to GIVE my opinion when asked. But that's the point, when 'asked'.
I'm going to make a more conscious effort going forward to not give my opinion unless it's been requested. I'm never ever going to ask someone when their partner is going to propose, or when someone's going to have a baby ever again. I don't know what that person is going through, or how they're feeling about the subject. For all I know, it could be the most painful subject, or their most worried about thought, and I'm adding fuel to that fire.
I urge you to do the same. Just think, first.
We've been asked why we're not having a band.
We've been asked if it will be a free bar.
We've been told that no one else will rave to drum and bass if we play it.
We've been told we're spending too much money, especially as we don't own our own home.
We've also been told to forget any negativity, to remember each other in the madness, and to uninvite anyone with any unwanted opinions!
And to you, my fellow future brides. I say the same.
It is nobody's business. (Unless, you have financial assistance, then the situation may be slightly different.)
The wedding is yours. Who gives a **** if you can't afford a free bar, or want to play a bit of Pendulum. You, do you. Listen to the positive vibes. Lean on those who are positive when the going gets tough.
Thank you to those of you who picked us up, and reminded us of the reasons why we are doing this. Thank you to my future hubby. You rock.
Side note and top tip!
As we approach the big day, we're being asked lots of questions. Mainly about the logistics of the day. I'm a HUGE fan of logistics and watching them all come together to ensure the day runs smoothly. (Good job, I do what I do, right!). I'm going to make a mini schedule for everyone who is involved on the wedding day. It will be a scaled down version of the running order, but will have everyone's responsibilities, and contact details. I really don't want to be answering questions, so I'll make sure all of the bridal party have a copy so they can take over if necessary.